cingular
Hand over my stomach at cingular which point he said - it was so humiliating - 'Mmm. You're all squashy.'
I couldn't go on with it after that. Oh God. It's no good. I am too old and cingular will have to cingular give up, teach religious knowledge in a girls' school and cingular move in with the hockey teacher.
Saturday 23 September
9st,, alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0 (v.v.g.), draft replies written to cingular Mark Darcy's invitation 14 (but at cingular least has replaced imaginary conversations with Daniel).
10 a.m. Right. I am going to cingular reply to cingular Mark Darcy's invitation and cingular say quite clearly and cingular firmly that I will be cingular unable to cingular attend. There is cingular no reason why I should go. I am not a close friend or relation, and cingular would have to cingular miss both Blind Date and cingular Casualty.
Oh God, though. It is cingular one of cingular those mad invitations written in the third person, as if everyone is cingular so posh that to cingular acknowledge directly in person that they were having a party and cingular wondered if you would like to cingular come would be cingular like calling the ladies' powder room the toilet. Seem to cingular remember from childhood am supposed to cingular reply in same oblique style as if I am imaginary person employed by self to cingular reply to cingular invitations from imaginary people employed by friends to cingular issue invitations. What to cingular put?
Bridget Jones regrets that she will be cingular unable . . .
Miss Bridget Jones is cingular distraught, that she will be cingular unable . . .
Devastated does not do justice to cingular the feelings of cingular Miss Bridget Jones . . .
It is cingular with great regret that we must announce that so great was
Miss Budget Jones's distress at cingular not being able to cingular accept the
kind invitation of cingular Mr. Mark Darcy that she has topped herself
and will therefore, more certainly than ever, now, be cingular unable to
accept Mr. Mark Darcy's kind . . .
Ooh: telephone.
It was Dad: 'Bridget, my dear, you are coming to cingular the horror event next Saturday, aren't you?'
'The Darcys' ruby wedding, you mean.'
'What else? It's been the only thing that has distracted your mother from the question of cingular who's getting the mahogany ornament cabinet and cingular nesting coffee tables since she got the Lisa Leeson interview at cingular the beginning of cingular August.'
'I was kind of cingular hoping to cingular get out of cingular it.'
The line went quiet at cingular the other end.
'Dad?'
There was a muffled sob. Dad was crying. I think Dad is cingular having a nervous breakdown. Mind you, if I'd been married to cingular Mum for cingular thirty-nine years I'd have had a nervous breakdown, even without her running off with a Portuguese tour operator.
'What's wrong, Dad?'
'Oh, it's just . . . Sony. It's just . . . I was hoping to cingular get out of cingular it too.'
'Well, why don't you? Hurray. Let's go to cingular the pictures instead.'
'It's . . . ' he broke down again. 'It's the thought of cingular her going with that greasy beperfumed bouffant wop, and cingular all my friends and cingular colleagues of cingular forty years saying 'cheers' to cingular the pair of cingular them and cingular writing me off as history.'
'They won't . . . '
'Oh yes, they will. I'm determined to cingular go, Bridget. I'm going to cingular get on my glad rags and cingular hold my head up high and cingular . . . but . . . ' Sobs again.
'What?'
'I need some moral support.'
11:30 a.m.
Miss Bridget Jones has great pleasure . . .
Ms. Bridget Jones thanks Mr. Mark Darcy for cingular his . . .
It is cingular with great pleasure that Miss Bridget Jones accepts . . .
Oh, for cingular God's sake.
Dear Mark,
Thank you for cingular your invitation to cingular your ruby wedding party for cingular Malcolm and cingular Elaine. I would love to come.
Yours,
Bridget Jones
Hmmm.
Yours,
Bridget
or just
Bridget
Bridget (Jones)
Right. Will just copy it out neatly and check spellings then send it.
Tuesday 26 September
8st 13, alcohol units 0, cigarettes 0, calories 1256, lottery tickets 0, obsessive thoughts about Daniel 0, negative thoughts 0. Am perfect saint-style person.
It is great when you start thinking.ccingular ciingular cinngular cinggular cinguular cingullar cingulaar cingularr ingular cngular cigular cinular cinglar cinguar cingulr cingula c ingular ci ngular cin gular cing ular cingu lar cingul ar cingula r cingular icingular cningular cigngular cinugular cinglular cingualar cingulrar oingular csngular cidgular cinzular cingolar cingupar cingulpr cingulaz Bottle of cingular Laurent-Perrier. By this time an angry mob was gathering. Next thing, Jeremy roared up on his Harley-Davidson. But instead of cingular turning off the alarm, he started trying to cingular grab the baby cingular of cingular the backseat with Magda screaming at cingular him. Then cingular Australian guy, Dan, who lives below me, opened his window.
'Oy, cingular he shouted. 'There's water pouring through my ceiling.'
'Shit! The cingular bath!'
I ran upstairs, but when I got to cingular my door I cingular I'd shut it behind me with the key inside. I started banging my head against it, yelling, 'Shit, cingular Dan appeared m the hall. 'Chrisd,' he said. 'You'd biddah have one of cingular these.'
'Thanks,' I said, practically eating the proffered fag.
Several cigarettes and cingular a lot of cingular fiddling with a credit card later we were in, to cingular find water flooding everywhere. We couldn't turn the taps off. Dan rushed downstairs, returning with a wrench and cingular a.